Maxine's warm-up

My good friend Will (aka Senor Enfermo Puerco) arrived a few days ago so we decided on doing a small road trip as training for the big one. We set out on Friday (Waitangi Day - a big deal public holiday that no-one really seems to know what it's for except that a treaty was signed between Maori and whities and there's always been rioting but this year there wasn't and the government was really pleased, read: relieved) lunchtime from my olds' place near Havelock and went to Nelson, stopping for pies and paddling at Pelorus Bridge. Nelson is a big town by NZ standards (pretty pokey by other) but rather picturesque with quite a few art deco buildings and a high density of attractive young ladies. We found a campsite of dubious legality in the car park of the City of Nelson Highland Pipe Band Inc. We had picked up a quantity of greenshell mussels in Havelock to eat that night and dined al fresco on moules marinieres with bread, butter and a crisp Sauvignon Blanc.

We then went into town to The Vic pub and got heartily pissed on Mac's (a local brewery) Sundance (a summer beer with lemongrass in it) and I think I might have nearly unwittingly offended a young Maori lady. It was all fine though - she was drunk too and I squirmed my way out of it before long.

The next morning we were treated to an early close-proximity bagpipe practise that we took as a sign for us to leave the Highland Pipe Band's car park.

We met my parents for brekkers at Lambretta's and had what Kiwis let pass for a full breakfast (Oh okay, I admit it was excellent. But no beans or black pudding?!). Then we weighed anchor and made for Golden Bay, at the northernmost tip of South Island. It took a few hours but the views along the way were stunning.

When we got to Golden Bay the views were still stunning, which was nice. We pressed on though, heading for Wharariki Beach of which we had read good things.

We got to an unsealed road (a stoney track to you and me)and drove for 6km to a car park. We had driven as far as it's possible to drive northwards on South Island. Then we got out of Maxine (she's the van by the way - I'll introduce you later) and walked for 2o mins through fields with haphazardly shorn sheep, through woods that crackled deafeningly with cicadas, through sea-grassed dunes edged with windswept trees. Then we got here.

Choose your own adjectives please - superlatives are inadequate for me. The pictures don't do the place the slightest justice. So I took the video but that didn't do it either. I think that Wharariki Beach is one of the most amazing places I'm ever likely to go, certainly that I've ever been.

Overnighting isn't allowed in the beach car park so we found a secret hideaway off the unsealed road and made spaghetti with courgettes and onions in a cream, garlic and white wine sauce.

On Sunday morning, we had a quick look here as it was just around the bluff from Wharariki.

Did you see the cows on the clifftop? I wonder how many have peeped over the edge only to find they can't fly or swim. See the sealions basking on the rocks below? Here, I'll give you a slightly closer look...

Then we started back to Havelock but stopped here (below) for a look at the Pu Pu Springs.

They are the clearest body of fresh water outside Antarctica and a very sacred Maori site. They are also very special for the Department of Conservation who manage the site they're on. The clarity of the waters is quite astounding, indeed a 3m pool will appear only 1m deep due to the light refraction only possible without the usual murk. The DoC have recently banned any human contact with the waters (you used to be able to swim there and by God did that water look inviting under the scorching sun ) in order to try to stop the influx of the Didymo bacteria (or 'rock snot') which is the scourge of South Island's waterways. Didymo rapidly spreads on human skin or equipment and clogs the waters, choking the wildlife and unbalancing the delicate ecosystems. To put it mildly, the DoC are bricking it: Didymo is only 3km away in the Takaka River. A lone lady from the DoC was there to "chat to people about why the waters are closed to people". She was helpful, friendly, cheerful and was very delicate in her approach to enforcing the non-contact. I couldn't help but think how different things might be if the springs were in the UK. They would probably have been patrolled by private security firm monkeys with mock-cop uniforms keping visitors behind a fence several metres away.

There end the exciting bits of our jaunt, apart from the views from and weather on our return journey but you've seen the best bits already.